I just read Drury's latest article "
Sex and the Single Minister" in which he makes the following recommendations:
1. Avoid obvious offenses- prostitutes, porn, etc. Drury recommends accountability (since a single pastor doesn't have 'built-in' accountability and/or an internet program like Covenant EyesI'm not big on 'organized' accountability (let's face it, I'm not big on organized anything!). Both BBC and the denomination as a whole think very highly of accountability partners/groups, but I really don't. Now, some of you probably agree with me, others might think that implies I'm hiding secret sins! I suppose I could post more about my rejection of organized accountability in a later post.
2. Use extra care with minors- Drury gives the normal advice to never be alone with a minor. Again, I think this is an over-reaction. Of course, it's a good thing to keep in mind that such a thing can be dangerous and shouldn't be sought out. But I totally disagree with the mentality that if there's a need to give some kid a ride home once in a while that I can't do it (or have to find another person to ride along). If I get falsely accused of something, I get falsely accused of something. Ok.
3. Don't date people in your church- Drury says this is unethical, comparing it to a therapist dating a client.I disagree that it is necessarily unethical, though it is often unwise. To compare it to therapists dating their clients implies a gap between the clergy and laity that is, in my opinion, far too large. Of course, the way Drury worded it "single ministers don't date people in
their church" reveals such a gap wherein the clergy consider the church 'theirs'. In a laid back country church (or any church) where all the Christians view themselves as fellow ministers, dating each other is hardly out of bounds.
4. Establish high standards for dating- Drury is basically making the point that a single minister should never 'go too far' sexually as it will always get back to the congregation.I certainly agree with his point here, but I think he should have talked more about having high standards in choosing who 'not' to date instead of simply what 'not' to do with those you are dating. After all, if you handle the first 'not' correctly, the second not will be much easier!
5. Accept singleness but seek marriage if you want- Drury talks about where to find dates (since excluding the local congregation creates a problem given his view). He mentions larger churches, volunteer work, or online dating, but suggests that the most fruitful method of finding a match is by getting back in touch with people from your past.I agree with all his points on number 5
So what do you think?
