In our society, most people date. If a guy is a 6, he looks for a female 7. Once he finds a girl that's barely within his reach, he attempts to hook up with her. If she agrees, they go out. He tries to hold her hand, then kiss, then more, etc. Once she says no, they probably break up. And now that he's dated a 7, he can probably try for an 8.
Some people are a little more responsible. They commit to only 'date' people they'd be interested in marrying. They even change the word to 'courting.' Most people 'court' just like the rest of society 'dates,' but since they use a different word, it's quite mature. In fact, they can even go farther physically because it's a mature relationship!
I suggest a new system (new to us, old to history). No dating. No courting. Just getting engaged and then married. No time alone until the proposal. Hang out in groups. Express no romantic interest. Once the guy has observed enough to know he could commit to her, a process begins:
1. He asks her father for permission to propose
2. The father can then veto on his own
3. If not the daughter can veto
4. Then the father tells the guy yes/no
5. If yes, the guy can ask (confidently)
History seems to indicate this system has a higher success rate than ours.
6 comments:
Historically though, this was done as a property arrangement, a purchase. It "evolved" to what we have now.
I would like to see a system we have not used before on this planet. Not sure what that would be yet...
Perhaps in many (even most?) cases it was a 'purchase'
But not all
And the system I am suggesting is certainly not a 'purchase'
ooooh secret marraiges... where do they fit?!
well, those are in a secret category only u and me know about
and since this post is not at the top anymore, it'll stay like that
Wow, that is quite the system. As someone who is married, I am not sure that it would work. But who knows! Many had arranged marriages and that worked. I just don't think you could tell a lot by just observing. You have to actually have contact with the girl!
I guess the argument is that the things we find out when dating/courting aren't really necessary for a marriage to last.
Many daters/courters want to hang out with the person beforehand so they can see if they have that 'special feeling' when they're with that person
But if feelings come and go, then those things don't really matter all that much. Only the commitment matters.
This isn't my own system. I heard it from a Bible teacher that I've been listening to a lot lately.
My opinion is that it would work well if (and probably only if) a large group of churches agreed to start using it all at once.
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