Thursday, August 21, 2008

Interview with Ruth

Well, we have an OT Idol. Ruth! I never would have guessed it. Tomorrow I'll be announcing which of my readers won, but for today I wanted to interview our champion (the following interview uses every single line Ruth speaks in the Bible):

ME: Green
RUTH: Blue

Ruth, Congratulations on your Old Testament Idol Victory! Do you have anything to say to your adoring fans?
"Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?"
I think your humility is one of the characteristics that brought about your success. My readers love underdogs. And you being a female and a foreigner certainly didn’t hurt.
"You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servant girls."
Ruth… I asked you nicely not to mention my servant girls. Katie might be reading this interview. Let’s go on to the next question. Did you have someone coaching you toward victory during this final day of participation in OT Idol?
"The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,"
How did he help? Was there physical training involved?
"He even said to me, 'Stay with my workers until they finish harvesting all my grain.' "
That sounds like a lot of work. Did he make sure you had a good meal before the big vote?
"He gave me these six measures of barley"
Well, barley does a body good. You are looking great! And your stamina throughout the competition was very impressive.
"Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."
I think you mis-interpreted. I have a girlfriend.
"I will do whatever you say,”
Like Jeanie from ‘I dream of Jeanie’? That sounds great! I used to have a crush on her. But I’m sorry, I really do like my girlfriend and she does 50% of ‘whatever I say,’ which isn’t too bad.
"I am your servant Ruth,"
Not only is this interview going to get me in trouble, but it is actually starting to freak me out. I think you should go.
"Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."
Wow. You’re really clingy. I’m getting scared. This interview is over. I’m going home.
"We will go back with you to your people."
‘We’? Who are you even talking about? You’re alone. Hmmm. Maybe that is your problem. You’re just acting crazy because you are lonely. I’ll tell ya what. I’m going to find you a man. I have a friend who owns a field and employs some nice single young men who are working right at this moment. What kind of guy are you looking for? Is there a physical attribute that is very important to you?
"Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor. "'Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.'
OH! I get it, you want to get a good look at them from ‘behind’. Well that is fairly superficial of you. But I’ll tell ya what. If you’ll leave me alone I’ll let you have your pick of the litter.
"May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,"
Hey, no problem. Congrats again on winning OT Idol.

6 comments:

Jecca said...

:) excellent matthew.

yay ruth!

Dena said...

Yes, very cute! How do you have time to do things like this? Aren't pastors supposed to be busy?

TMNK said...

Well, I usually have a window of opportunity b/w midnight and 3am :)

Katie said...

*sigh*

:-)

Steph said...

reminds me of the old weird al interviews that used to be on TV

Tammy Craig said...

Hilarious. Heretical. Huge-headed. All the things I have come to expect from you, Matthew. ;)

That was amazing...