Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Blog Aliens

Many aliens read my blog. What I mean is, I get many more visitors than comments. This doesn't bother me, but it does make me curious as to what type of 'aliens' are reading, but not commenting. Here are the possibilities:

1. Antagonistic Alien (upper-left)
Some of my reading regulars don't like me. Maybe they're trying to catch me blogging something that they can use against me. Maybe they arrived here via a link on a message board where they disagree with me on a regular basis. Well, feel free to disagree in comment format. Don't lurk in the shadows, but also don't be surprised when I fight back like Will Smith in Independence Day (had to connect this to July 4th somehow).

2. Local Aliens (upper-middle)
Some of my readers are like Alf: Present, but not quite part of the family. Maybe you're here on a daily basis, but you haven't commented b/c you're afraid your cat-eating habit will keep you an outsider. Listen, I don't like cats either, join the discussion!

3. Indignant Aliens (upper-right)
Some of you are like Worf from Star Trek. You're generally a nice person, but you've got a chip on your shoulder. Maybe you don't comment b/c I've never named you the 'Blogger of the Month.' Don't be bitter, you probably just stink at blogging. Comment instead, perhaps I'll name you 'Commenter of the Month!'

4. Elect Aliens (bottom-left)
Some of you are here because I brought you here with my superb writing skills and unmatched consistency. My 'irresistible grace,' so to speak, prompts your presence on a regular basis. But maybe you're afraid to comment because I'm so super and you're just a plastic toy in a quarter machine. Fear not! The same one who chose you is able to equip you to comment.

5. Needy Aliens (bottom-middle)
Some of my readership simply use me for my link list. They need help like E.T. Specifically, they needed a list that would allow for speedy & efficient blog travel and I provided such a service. But alas, such a service isn't free. From now on I require all such 'users' to pay of tax of 1 comment each week.

6. Supernatural Aliens (bottom-right)
Some of my readers are like angels. They just visit my blog because they like the owner. They read and comment regularly. If you've made it this far into this bizarre post, you're probably this type of alien!

13 comments:

The AJ Thomas said...

You forgot what I suspect is the biggest category:
7 User Aliens - People who come to your blog just to look at the blog roll. I enjoy your stuff but I'd say 80% of my visits are to see who has updated their blog.

matthew said...

Actually, AJ, that was covered specifically in the NEEDY aliens category, which makes it obvious that you didn't read the entire post and are, therefore, not a SUPERNATURAL alien! :)

Steph said...

Have you tried google analytics? It will let you at least know where the aliens are coming from, what OS they use and what browser. Kinda fun.
(that's my comment for the week...)

matthew said...

oh i know where people come from...i just can't find a program that reveals their heart of hearts :)

well done on the weekly comment!

Kelly said...

I'm a blog lurker. I visit tons of blogs, but rarely comment. Sometimes I'm scared away by the witty or insightful remarks people make, and fear my own mom-brained half fried comments would be scoffed at by the more intellectual out there.

matthew said...

kelly...
that was a dumb comment, please think before you comment. just kidding. i've always liked your blog and writing style so i'm sure your comments would be appreciated across the blogosphere :)

MichelleM said...

I'm pretty sure I'm an Elect Alien. If so, I will persevere, even in my lurking mode.

The AJ Thomas said...

OK - I admit, i scanned and somehow I missed that. probably when I noticed Brewer had blogged.

Lindy said...

I'm going to give myself the exalted position of Supernatural Alien. I comment when the post is in english as opposed to the elusive languate of sports fan. I actually like you and will have to drop by next time I'm in the Southern Tier.

BTW- Sense I gave you a compliment will this post hold me over for two weeks?

Julia said...

I am a 'local alien' - I do not know you (found you on Joanna H's blog links) so don't always feel quite comfortable commenting... :)

matthew said...

so every type of alien has come forward except for antagonistic and indignant one's. I expected as much from the indignant folk who are too chicken to confront...but the antagonistic aliens have really let me down. SOMEONE out there must hate me...

I Lost You At Hello!!! said...

You suck Matt

matthew said...

hmm...i can't tell if that was antagonistic or indignant