Some of you may have seen these before....but I picked out my favorite twenty-five. These were typos/mistakes found in actual church bulletins:
In no particular order....
25. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
24. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM, Please use the back door
23. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
22. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
21. Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
20. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
19. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer
18. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
17. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
15. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
13. The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"
12. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
11. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
10. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
9. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
8. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.
7. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
6. The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
5. Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
4. Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
2. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
1. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
3 comments:
This: 9. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church: isn't a mistake: I'm not afflicated with any church and if you come round my place trying to inflict me with one you better make sure you're wearing clean underwear.
Rantzalot (Sir)
Sounds like you've been to some bad churches. Hope you feel better :)
But you're probably right. Who'd want to belong to a group that helps you when your house burns down? Who'd want to go to a place where the lonely find friendships? Who'd want to go to a place where you can connect with your creator?
You're right. I wouldn't want to have any part of that either.
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