Monday, April 21, 2008

Funeral Service

I have only done about 15 funerals. I have a few different 'styles' of service depending on the situation, but the general content of my main funeral service is as follows (Feel free to critique this or use it to some degree):

Welcome
We are gathered here this morning: INSERT DATE to mourn, to remember, to reflect on, and especially to celebrate the life of INSERT NAME. Such a mixture of emotions and purposes is common for a time such as this. Losing a loved one, especially so POSSIBLY INSERT DESCRIPTION OF DEATH, IE 'YOUNG' OR 'SUDDENLY', is a difficult time filled with silent tears as we grasp our loss… and nervous laughter as we remember the times that were shared. Let us look to God, our help in this hour, for comfort. Please join me in prayer.

Prayer

Testimonials
There’s always an ounce of awkwardness, it seems, for someone like me, who knew INSERT NAME only through a few quiet conversations, to lead a group of those who knew him so well in a memorial service. And so in just a few moments I’m going to invite some of you to share some stories from INSERT NAME life on earth.

INSERT A PARAGRAPH THOUGHTFULLY DESCRIBING THE PERSON'S DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS, GLEANED FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (IF POSSIBLE). FEEL FREE TO BE HUMOROUS.

I’m standing today before a group of people who knew INSERT NAME better than I did. You knew him to be INSERT REMAINING CHARACTERISTICS, ESPECIALLY THOSE MENTIONED BY THE FAMILY IN YOUR INTERVIEW WITH THE FAMILY.

Is there anyone here who’d like to share something from your relationship with Paul? (THIS CAN BE DANGEROUS, BUT IF THE FAMILY IS WILLING, I LIKE THIS PART, THE KEY IS NOT ALLOWING TOO MUCH SILENCE BEFORE YOU JUMP TO THE NEXT SECTION OF THE SERVICE)

No doubt we remember more and if we were to tell all of what this man meant to those here today, this service would be far from over, but we’ll have more opportunity for that later today and in the coming weeks. Let us just take a moment of quietness together to honor INSERT NAME life.

Prayer

Sermon
On most days in this life we can make it from morning to night without really considering the big picture. We concern ourselves with the daily grind, too busy to consider tomorrow or next week, let alone next year. The big picture of life tends to confront us only once in a while as we’re falling asleep at the end of another mundane day. But today is different. Today we have the opportunity to look more closely at 1 particular life and to see it with some perspective. This bigger picture causes us to ask bigger questions and seek a purpose to the pain we’re going through. If God allows something to happen, He must, ultimately, have a good purpose that He can produce through it.

Our goal today is to honor INSERT NAME by finding those good purposes. Our goal is to celebrate his life by learning from his legacy. Our goal is to discover what good can come from the loss of one we loved so much.

If we can discover the good purposes that God is working in the midst of our great loss, we can best honor INSERT NAME life. I think there are 3 initial ways that we can do this:

#1 Death brings people closer together

There is nothing more important than relationships. Death brings families and friends together and that is not by coincidence. God intends for those who are grieving to support one another in love. I encourage all those here to continue to draw closer together through these days. There is strength in numbers. Family and friends were important to INSERT NAME. You can honor him by continuing to unite together in love. We can honor his life today by celebrating the memories of his interaction with family & friends.

The close of INSERT NAME life on earth opens the door for new phases of family relationships. It may require changes to schedules and agendas. It may call for longer phone conversations or more family get-togethers. Ask yourself, and ask the lord, what can I do to help meet the needs of those who will miss INSERT NAME the most. Once we’ve asked that question, we can become an answer to someone else’s prayer.

#2 Death causes us to carry on a legacy

We can honor INSERT NAME today by drawing closer together in love. But I see another way that we can honor his life in the years to come. His death causes us to carry on an important legacy. INSERT NAME was an important part of this family and network of loved ones. That piece to the puzzle is missing now, and there are no pieces quite like him. No one person in this family can replace INSERT NAME role. You all have to grow as individuals, filling the void. You have to pick up where he left off. You may want to take up some of his passions, his hobbies, his concerns. Those good things that excited INSERT NAME, let them excite you.

Ask yourself, what were INSERT NAME greatest characteristics? Then require yourself to emulate INSERT NAME best. Forgetting the bad and focusing on the good is a mark of a mature individual. INSERT NAME would be honored if his life, even in death, led to a positive change in your character.

#3 Death causes us to re-examine life

Not only does an event like this draw people closer together in love. And not only does it cause us to carry on an important legacy. But it also has the good result of causing us to re-examine life. It calls us to ask those key questions: Who is behind it all? What is the purpose to life? Why does God allow things like this happen? When will I breathe my last breath? Where will I be one moment after I die?

Every person asks those kinds of questions. And they are questions well worth asking. Hundreds of answers have been given, weighed, and found wanting. And while there are no easy answers, I do think we can, at least, be reminded of a valuable lesson today by recognizing how fragile life really is. Tomorrow can’t be depended on. INSERT NAME would have loved for his life to continue, but time is not a right, it’s a gift. If we knew this was our last year, how would our lives change? Would we take more risks? Give more to charity? Would we be more honest? More compassionate? More loving? Would you stop doing certain things? Would you start doing certain things? How are you doing in this thing called life? Don’t waste it. Today brings this challenge to mind.

And, of course, the most important way we can honor and celebrate INSERT NAME life is to re-examine our relationship with our Maker. INSERT STORY, IF POSSIBLE, THAT INDICATES THE PERSON HAD A LIVING RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST. INSERT NAME was a man that knew his limitations and knew the Lord’s limitless power to forgive. If INSERT NAME is looking down on us today, I’m sure there is nothing that would honor him more than for us to raise our hands, before it is too late, to an Almighty God.

I want to close with a passage of Scripture written by a man named Paul. He comforted his brothers and sisters with these words of hope:

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him

Prayer

3 comments:

theajthomas said...

WOW!!! That Insert Name was really quite an amazing person. I only with I would have had the opportunity to know them while they were here.

Anonymous said...

Did you glean any help from things like service manuals, the book of common prayer, etc, or just kind of put things together in a format that was comfortable to you, or that you've noticed from other officiaries?

matthew said...

I have looked over a dozen or so funeral services and borrowed ideas or lines that i liked. The Wesleyan Church pastor's manual is where i got some of it from. I looked at online services too. After each funeral service I do, i tweak a line here or there as well.