Now that you've read through my coded dating history, mocked me through my secret online dating history, and come to understand the ins & outs & dos & do-nots of the dating world, you're ready for my ultimate advice in 9 easy steps:
1. Figure out what gender you are
2. Name the opposite gender
3. Think of all the people you know of that gender
4. Figure out which of them is your favorite
5. Try to spend more time with them
6. If they remain your favorite, date them
7. If they remain your favorite, get engaged
8. If they remain your favorite, get married
9. If they remain your favorite, be thankful
It's so simple that it only took me 25 years to figure out (well, I had #1 figured out long ago).
Some people get stuck on #4. There are 2 reasons for this. First, some people don't know anyone of the opposite gender well enough to have a favorite. If that's the case, make some friends. And if you can't make any friends, look for my future book "I French Kissed Friendship Hello." Second, some people won't admit that such and such a person is their favorite because they don't have any romantic feelings for them and they know where these 9 steps are headed. I submit that in most cases romantic 'feelings' are simply the product of worldly expectations. True feelings, the kind that matter, can grow with anyone that you truly enjoy being around.
Some people get stuck at #5 because the person they picked doesn't want to spend more time with them. If you get stuck here you have to options. First, you can keep begging them. They'll eventually get annoyed and treat you badly and you will realize they aren't your favorite after all. Second, you can realize right away that you selected poorly. I recommend the latter.
If you correctly identify your favorite opposite gendered friend, things will probably go pretty smoothly from steps 5 to 9. That's what I'm hoping anyways! Then again, I really don't know what I'm talking about :)